you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
