My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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