you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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