Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
