I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
