he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
