I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
