she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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