There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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