I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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