i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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