On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
