She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
