You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
