I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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