i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
third nipple confirmed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
