You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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