Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Randomize
