wat bout pragnant strippers??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
