yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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