Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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