Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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