I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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