so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize