if you like me you must not know who I am
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
