so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
