Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
