I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
