Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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