You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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