First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
