wanna go halves on a baby?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
