Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize