Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
