Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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