She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
