So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
