I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
