just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Floor bacon is actually really good
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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