Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
