You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
