well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
