Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
