i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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