I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
