let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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