I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
