Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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