did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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