Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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