Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize