i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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