They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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