drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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