I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
