You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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