You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did i just pee glitter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
