Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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