I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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