I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
