Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
