I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
