I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
