He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
