Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
