Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
