I'm jealous of your bromance
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize