Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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