Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
