quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't think brook has ever known best
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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