I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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