seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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