thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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