and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
