guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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